1. |
Ground Rules
05:11
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I won’t be satisfied!
If you don’t simply abide!
And I can sniff any lie!
So listen and you can reside!
I won’t be pacified!
If you don’t trust and confide!
And I can throw you aside
So obey and we’ll be allied
My house, my rules and my say
These are the things you must obey!
Be sure to stay off the computer
It’s not like theres any photos of me nude or…
Spreadsheets , instructions for my bike
Slides of hairstyles that I like
Either way you’ll never guess my password its not my name
These are the things that I want
I want you to be diligent of doing
So let’s keep my things arranged
So you don’t make me insane!
When I come home I want this to look like I had never left at all
That is what I expect from you so, do not let expectations fall
That guy, the neighbor right there, next door
He’s always bitching for some more
He needs to learn what’s mine and stay on his side of the line
Listen to what I say
So we don’t have dismay
Cause if we do there’s letters to my family, they’re all a big calamity
These are the things that I want
I want you to be diligent of doing
And let’s keep my things arranged
So here you can remain!
I won’t be satisfied!
If you don’t simply abide!
And I can sniff any lie!
So listen and you can reside!
I won’t be pacified!
If you don’t trust and confide!
And I can throw you aside
So obey and we’ll be allied
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2. |
Hairstyles I Like
02:28
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Going on a date tonight, make sure my shirt and pants are tight
Whole outfits gotta coordinate, be ready out the door by 8
Grab the comb and sculpt my dome, my looks should really hit it home
Been at the gym so I look fit and my hair is styled like Brad Pitt
First you gotta rough it, and then you gotta fluff it
Then you grab some product and be careful as you buff it
Next you take a picture, lean against a bathroom fixture
And when all of that is set you’ve got the perfect hairdo mixture
First you gotta rough it, and then you gotta fluff it
Then you grab some product and be careful as you buff it
Next you let it grow and carefully you cut it slow
So you can document it and put it in your slideshow
Sometimes I envy Hollywood
I see all their perfect hair and I wish I could
And if you ask me how I did this spike
I’ll show you all the slides for the hairstyles I like
Check my online dating app, theres nothing there, oh shit fuck crap
I bought new clothes for my big night, tell all the ladies I don’t bite
I really need to find the one, that special person I’d call hun
Tonights the night I will and oh, I’ve got that style just like Leo
First you gotta rough it, and then you gotta fluff it
Then you grab some product and be careful as you buff it
Next you take a picture, lean against a bathroom fixture
And when all of that is set you’ve got the perfect hairdo mixture
First you gotta rough it, and then you gotta fluff it
Then you grab some product and be careful as you buff it
Next you let it grow and carefully you cut it slow
So you can document it and put it in your slideshow
Sometimes I envy Hollywood
I see all their perfect hair and I wish I could
And if you ask me how I did this spike
I’ll show you all the slides for the hairstyles I like
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3. |
What's That Smell?
03:04
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When you come crashing down and you get right in my face
You need to realize that we’re not burning down this place
Take a step back and just relax, everything’s OK
We’re just using the broiler, it’s pretty safe I’d say
Whats...that...smell…?
You say you’re interrupted by the scent of what we made
We say you’re crazy for turning small things into crusades
Just trying to make a meal but its always something else
You need to sit back and worry about yourself
Take a step back and just relax, everything’s OK
We’re just using the broiler, it’s pretty safe I’d say
Whats...that...smell…?
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4. |
||||
Everyday’s the same
Everybody plays the game
Always out there for the win
Always will be, and has been
All my neighbors hate my face
But they should stay back in their place
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned
Its everybody gets their turn
Everything we’ve done
And all that we have won
It doesn’t change our DNA
It doesn’t matter if we pray
So every woman is a chick
And any dude can be a dick
Let’s make a toast with our glass
Cause everybody is an ass!
I’m an ass but you’re an asshole
Now that we’re all here
Now that you’ll hear me loud and clear
Excuse me I forgot to mention
I hate your face, there’s growing tension
No way to filter from my brain
My thoughts are fast like pure cocaine
So what I say is what you get
And I don’t care if we just met
Take all this advice
Heed my warning, no one’s nice
If you listen you might find
You might have a change of mind
So start walking into work
And start acting like a jerk
So join up with us the masses
Cause we’re all a bunch of asses!
I’m an ass but you’re an asshole
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5. |
Folks Who Like To Read
02:43
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Book clubs, reader gatherings!
Are all events I really should explore
Library, adult novelty
50 Shades is how I like my whores
Figure out a way to get these books out on the market
If I could pick the type of people to which I want to target
The stories that I want to tell relate to you and me
So go and buy a book today and read it you will see
Plot twists, sudden irony
Ways to keep a reader’s full attention
Flash back, a quick parody
Make sure you always increase the suspension
This one talks of high school fun, 10 years later still not done
I sit and try to concentrate but writers block I can’t create
A spreadsheet to log all my work, a reference file, some small perk
A book idea that would sell, a quick escape from my own hell
I really think the stories great, multi layers, tales of fate
Sometimes they end with such demise and others make you empathize
A story for all walks of life, for young children, a dude, a wife
And that’s just how the story goes, if you won’t read you’ll never know
Folks who like to read!
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6. |
Dude Ranch
01:35
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Gonna have the ultimate adventure
Gonna have some real cowboy fun
Grab my lasso and my denim jacket
I’ll show you how the Wild West was won
Gonna ride some horses, rope some cattle
Gonna smoke a cig and shoot a gun
Bandana ‘round my neck I’m ready
This town’s too small so you had better run
The sheriffs dead and I own this place now
We had a gunslinging standoff cause
His wife was drinking at the saloon
And I wanted to tap that fine poon
Gonna have the ultimate adventure
Gonna have some real cowboy fun
Grab my lasso and my denim jacket
I’ll show you how the Wild West was won
Gonna ride some horses, rope some cattle
Gonna smoke a cig and shoot a gun
Bandanna ‘round my neck I’m ready
This town’s too small so you had better run
And now I’m starting to get a feeling
There’s something wrong, there’s something up
There’s no more girls, there’s no more chicks
All I see is tons and tons of dicks
Now I kinda get it, now I think it’s too far gone
I thought this girl was Dawn, but now his name is Ron, he wants to get it on
Now I think I’m stuck here, now I really can’t escape
This starts to feel like rape, our bodies in weird shapes, I hope it’s not my fate
I just want a way out, I just wish that I could be free
Refund my money to me, but now I’m covered in pee, my waiver no agree
I just want to forget, I just hope that no one will know
No cameras filming this show, I get up quickly to go, goodbye from Cowboy Joe
Gonna have the ultimate adventure
Gonna have some real cowboy fun
Grab my lasso and my denim jacket
I’ll show you how the Wild West was won
Gonna ride some horses, rope some cattle
Gonna smoke a cig and shoot a gun
Bandanna ‘round my neck I’m ready
But now I’m covered in all cowboy cum UGH!
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7. |
Magnets
01:15
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Saving energy
Methods cleverly
Sticking forcefully
Make sense, never me!
Magnets!
Trust in the science of them
Opposites will attract
Remove them prior to washing
Post-It note on the rack
They're here to serve a purpose
Like forces will repel
Make sure you follow these steps
Or the whole kitchen goes to hell
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8. |
Mirror of Dickception
02:58
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I’ve finished my exhaulation, but I’m not finished with thee
I stand here before you naked, asking what have you ever had planned for me?
I’ve been waiting for so long searching, suffering, misery
But I must have faith in all you tell me, I wouldn’t want things to turn around and go against me
I’m beginning to think that there might be some sliver of chance
I’m learning to trust in you and hold out in abstinence so I can have a full romance
I have kept my body in the very best of physique
In lieu of all that you’ve told me, I disagree that my personality is bleak UGH!
Mirror, mirror!
Of dickception!
I’ve always come to you seeking, the most sincere of advice
If I may just place this right here, I won’t move, it’s accurately placed, precise!
There’s something that is distracting, but I have a quick fix
A piece of paper that will now cover, the part of you that is always there reflecting my dick!
Mirror, mirror!
Of dickception!
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9. |
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If I have to live this mundane life man it’s really gonna fuck with my head
If I have to deal with all these bills then I’d probably rather wind up dead
If I could think of a better way to put my time, and money to use
Then maybe I wouldn’t get so damn distracted every time I fucking see Footloose!
If I had some ideas that I could profit from
Maybe I could get out of this life I think is scum
If I had some time to think and reflect on all the little things that I say
If I had some better people skills maybe I wouldn’t be an asshole cliche
If I could devise a plan that could get me to the top
Maybe I’ll investigate opening up a personal shop
If I had some ideas that I could profit from
Maybe I could get out of this life I think is scum
Once upon a time it came to me as I sat deep in depression
Is all that I really needed was a weekly brainstorming session
Now I got everything figured out, I got a fuckton of sweet ideas
I’m gonna write some books and film and even travel to South Korea
Life’s been pretty great now that I’ve found my peace and I broke the norm
I’ll let you in on a little secret, and it’s called brainstorm!
Brainstorm for life!
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10. |
Chicks Who Can Dance
02:06
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If I took all of the traits that I see
There’s that one characteristic for me
If she can get her ass out on the floor
Then I’d be watching, begging her for more
It’s just something innate that I need
Some primal force, emotions are freed
If she’s got class and respects her body
Then we can dance but not naughty
It’s just something innate that I need
Some primal force, emotions are freed
In the salsa formation!
Get your feet ready to dance now!
Throw a little flirtation
There’s no time to rest, no time to stop!
Move your body, don’t let it slop
Here comes a hop!
Let your spirit glide, move to the side
I’ll be your guide, YEAH!
Dance...dance...dance...MOSH
Chicks, chicks who can dance, we need romance, give me a chance, chicks who can dance!
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11. |
Folks of Interest
02:23
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God of dating hear me pray, these words, requests I ask today
My profile views show all time highs but perfect women I can’t come by
I sit, I wait, I trust in fate, I hope, a mate, some women to date
The ones I like I study close, all their details that I know most
I will do all that I can to learn about their lives
Study their bio’s so I won’t have to improvise
These are the types of women I want to be with
Together these characteristics I cannot resist
Folks of interest!
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12. |
Moot Points
01:54
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Blind ambitions
(Cold beer!)
Your opinion
(Not here!)
Creature comforts
(Glassware!)
Your car
(No care!)
No! Cause I don’t give a fuck
It just doesn’t concern me now!
Do you hear what I say?
Cause I’m starting to think you don’t!
Family issues
(My fault!)
Odd habits
(Verbal Assault!)
Being single
(Never kind!)
Online profile with a
Fucked up mind!
No! Cause I don’t give a fuck
It just doesn’t concern me now!
Do you hear what I say?
Cause I’m starting to think you don’t!
MOOT POINTS!
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13. |
Property Lines
02:17
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Set your sights for your household skyhigh, decorative driveways can be hard to come by!
All of that work looks like it’d be so intensive, but doing it yourself can really cut down the expenses
Every part that you use is hand picked, my opinion go with the red brick
If you need some help with all of the labor just ask me you know that we’re just all neighbors
But what is this, I thought that we had it all planned out?
Now I can see you just wanted to expand out
I thought you knew, I said exactly where it ended
You didn’t care and now I’m feeling so offended
All of that effort for nothing but it’s not done, don’t get comfortable yet cause you’ve not won
I know you’ve got it planned and you think it’s alright, but now you’re digging on my yard and now we have to fight!
If you cannot stay off my yard, I’ll make your life such hell
These property lines are set so do not ever cross over
My requests are so simple, yet my neighbors just can’t seem
To get this under control, so in their face I’ll just scream
This is the ending (I’m calling)
City inspector (he’s here)
He’ll be surveying (my land and)
Writing citations (you clear?)
If you cannot stay off my yard, I’ll make your life such hell
These property lines are set so do not ever cross over
My requests are so simple, yet my neighbors just can’t seem
To get this under control, so in their face I’ll just scream
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14. |
Dead Bodies in the Attic
02:38
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On a drunken night we got stuff still left to explore
Diggin’ around and look what we found, a small place right behind the door
Who knows what there is, who knows what we’ll find as we trek the unknown
We might come across, some shit, a life lost, better not go alone
Off to the garage we gotta stock up on supplies
Into the abyss we have to hope that no one dies
Determine who’s going in head first
They might just have a surprise
For when they’re in and they look around
They’re gonna find several dead guys
DEAD! Bodies in the attic
(Untimely deaths their ends must have been traumatic!)
DEAD! Bodies in the attic
(Hearts ripped out, flesh decayed, such a necro-fanatic!)
When we got inside it was dark not much to work with
As we crawled around we soon found that death was a myth
There were no signs of anybody else, nothing to do with any terror
I guess that’s alright cause now we don’t need to hire a pallbearer
Ugh!
DEAD! Bodies in the attic
(Untimely deaths their ends must have been traumatic!)
DEAD! Bodies in the attic
(Hearts ripped out, flesh decayed, such a necro-fanatic!)
Next time we will do more investigating
Before searching for dead bodies of women he was dating
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15. |
Kung Fu Gandhi
04:37
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Somewhere deep down in in fantasy
There is a book that you will probably never ever see
It tells a tale of comradery
Between Gandhi and his gang of Kung Fu employees
It’s not published, at least not yet
But I don’t think that you can write a better book than that
Take in the concept, prepare the set
He teaches peace and patience, ninja focus, not a threat
Oh! We must find a way to go
Teach the world about what we know
We give it our all from the heart
We must find a way to revive this old martial art
You might think that it’s conflicting
But it’s not really that hard to see what I’m depicting
He had a vision, he had a plan
He used an ancient Chinese practice to go against the man
Oh! We must find a way to go
Teach the world about what we know
We give it our all from the heart
We must find a way to revive this old martial art
Some will come and many will go
But we’ll stay headstrong fighting the status quo
With our bodies and with our minds
We’ll make a positive influence on all of mankind
If it comes down to the wire
Display of my focus, walk barefoot on hot fire
I’ll show you the message and I’ll convert you
Practicing the ways of this peaceful Kung Fu
It will depict all the battles won
The conflicts that were resolved easily without a gun
Some parts of India, some part Chinese
But you’re never gonna find another story like these
I’ll make a profit, not call it greed
And try to sell it to all the different types of folks who read
That is the plot line, its fresh and new
About Gandhi showing off his badass Kung Fu moves
Oh! We must find a way to go
Teach the world about what we know
We give it our all from the heart
We must find a way to revive this old martial art
Some will come and many will go
But we’ll stay headstrong fighting the status quo
With our bodies and with our minds
We’ll make a positive influence on all of mankind
If it comes down to the wire
Display of my focus, walk barefoot on hot fire
I’ll show you the message and I’ll convert you
Practicing the ways of this peaceful Kung Fu
We will not be stopped
We will take apart
The social constructs
With martial arts
Paradigm shifting
We must decree
Take your step forward
Join us and Gandhi!
Some will come and many will go
But we’ll stay headstrong fighting the status quo
With our bodies and with our minds
We’ll make a positive influence on all of mankind
If it comes down to the wire
Display of my focus, walk barefoot on hot fire
I’ll show you the message and I’ll convert you
Practicing the ways of this peaceful Kung Fu
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16. |
D.V.R.
01:24
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Everybody get off your feet
We’re gonna dance to the TV
Everybody now learn the beat
We’re gonna have fun and be carefree
Now it’s time to get up and dance
This is your chance, now it’s time to showoff
Grab a girl and start a romance
Move your feet you’ve got everybody in a trance
Now it’s time to get up and dance
This is your very last chance
Show all your best moves, advance
Hope that she’ll throw you a glance
Dance!
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17. |
Password (Your Name)
02:30
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Some things that are dear to me
Are things I protect very carefully
Call upon technology
To safeguard all of my confidentiality
If it all got lost
Invaluable cost
I’d be right up shit’s creek
There’s no getting back
Memories of past
They’re gone for good, I’m fucked!
There’s so many things that I could not afford to lose
Spreadsheets, financial data, I’d be so confused
I couldn’t go on without it, it’s all of my life
My books, insightful thinking, statistics of a wife
But there’s a way
Keep all my information very safe
And if just in case
I blank...I’ll remind myself it’s just my name
But don’t forget the…
PASSWORD! Your name!
The password...is your name!
It will never fail (you’re never getting in)
You’ll never guess it (it’s totally not my name)
It’s a foolproof way (just don’t click password hint)
Keep the hackers at bay
Now my files are my files and no one will be a threat
There’s just one thing that I cannot let myself forget
Password! Your name!
The password is your name!
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18. |
Letters to My Family
04:12
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Here I stand alone by myself
At my home, it’s prepped, for holiday feasts
As I look around with such delight
For there are those I chose not to invite!
They won’t be here!
They won’t be near!
We’ll have such fun
Neglecting someone!
When the day arrived there was a plot
To take back the food that they all had bought
What is this, I swear, it’s mutiny
One simple request they turn to lunacy!
They will regret!
Neglecting my threats!
Have fun without my fucking beansprouts!
You will now see
The wrath that’s in me
Give back my key
You stole that turkey!
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Br00tal Beefcake Detroit, Michigan
FULL ALBUM Sept 13, 2019!
Rad to the power of sick comedic thrash project sent on a mission to melt faces and play riffs.
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